What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
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