What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
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