What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
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