What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
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