What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
The only way the mushroom could think of decorating his house was with toadstools.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
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