Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
What do you get when you plant a Donut?
A pastree.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
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