What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
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