What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
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