Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
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