How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
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