How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
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