What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
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