How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
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