What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
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