Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
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