What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
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