Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
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