What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
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