A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What do you call flowers who are bffs?
Buds.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
If trees could kill you, they wood.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
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