What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What’s an ig?
A snow house without a loo!
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
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