The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
In what state is the Amazon River? It is in the liquid state.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
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