When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
The ocean made me salty.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Sea you at the beach.
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
You should dress up warm in the Andes. That place is Chile.
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