Why is the world so diverse? Because it contains alkynes of people.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Shell yeah.
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
Beach, please.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
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