The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
How one snowman greets the other one?
Ice to meet you.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
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