How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
The ocean made me salty.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
How many colors are in the rainbow? I haven't got a blue.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills ?
Bernadette.
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