What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
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