It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Beach, please.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
What does a flower do when they get caught in a lie?
Backpetal.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
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