How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
The ocean made me salty.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
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