How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Never forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don't want to take them for granite.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Q: What is a cloud's favorite reptile?
A: A blizzard.
After the rain has cleared and the sun comes out, rainbows are so quick to appear they'll red like wildfire.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
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