I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
I have a butcher friend in London. Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage. It was the beast of Thames. It was the wurst of Thames.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
A friend went in to his garden, dug a hole in the grass and filled it with water. I think he meant well.
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
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