The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice
It was cold hard cash.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
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