What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?
I guess you can say the baby was airborne
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
The ocean made me salty.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Beach you to it.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
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