I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
Are you squiding me right now?
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a re-volting scene.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a giant mushroom? Hu-fungus.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
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