Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Watson: Sherlock, what type of rock is this amazing specimen?
Holmes: It’s sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
How do two flowers greet each other?
Hey bud, how’s it growing?
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
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