Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
What is a tornado's favorite Elton John song? Candle in the Wind!
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
My wife was watching me do some DIY and she said I hammer like lightning.
I never strike in the same place twice.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Feeling fintastic.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
The ocean made me salty.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
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