Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
When is it raining money? Whenever there's 'change' in the weather.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
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