What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
It's been a while since I heard jokes about people sitting on wet morning grass.
They're over dew.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Poured beer over my garden before planting the lawn. I hoped the grass would come up half cut.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Are you squiding me right now?
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
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