When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing?
Au revoir.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
A mountain biker was chased by a Grizzly this morning. He bearly made it.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What do you say to a flower after a breakup?
Get clover it.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Beach, please.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
What do you call the least popular color in the rainbow? The weakest pink.
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