Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
Q: Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?
A: Atmospheric pressure.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
Why are plants the best chefs?
They’re succulent.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
When the AC circuits in your home are hit by a DC lightning bolt..
It's a current affair.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
Why did the worm cross the ruler?
To become an inchworm
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
When can your cup of coffee tell the weather?
When it's muggy.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
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