Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
Water you doing?
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
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