Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
I just found out what animal’s been getting into my avocado plants...
It was a guaca-mole.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
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