How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
What's the name of the funniest mountain range in the world? The Himhilarious.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
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