What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
The scientists decided to clean up the Thames because it had a dirty mouth.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
All you need is a good dose of vitamin sea.
What do rocks eat?
Pom-a-granites.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
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