My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
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