Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
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