You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
How many Winter Park ski instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw it in, and two to say, "Nice Turns, Nice Turns!"
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
How do ski instructors get to work?
By icicle.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Soviet goaltenders got their hair cut at Vladislav's Tress-shack.
The dog didn’t want to play soccer because it was a boxer.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
Basketball players make good husbands. They never shoot their wives.
What does a volleyball player do when they go to prom? They spike the punch.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Why do volleyball players join the military? They want to gain extra experience in the service.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
It is not really much about how you bowl, but instead how you roll.
The best holiday for you to go bowling is thanksgiving because you will get turkeys.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
Set or be set. This is certainly the right way to look at things.
What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?
A bawl club.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
What does Darth Vader say when he plays volleyball? May the spike be with you.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why did the guy decide not to donate a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon?
Because they just take the money and run.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
What do you call a professional beach volleyball player who doesn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend? Homeless.
What type of trunks do foresters wear to the swimming pool?
Tree trunks!
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