What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
The goal nine yards
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
The calm before the score
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
The huddle is real
Prepare to be bowled over.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
We’ll have a ball.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
Having a ball
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
All punts are highly intended
We’re calling your number.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
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