What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
By the seat of one’s punt
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
How do you call football without shoes?
Socker.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
All punts are highly intended
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
The calm before the score
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Football is one habit I will never kick
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
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