Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
The calm before the score
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
Having a ball
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
I like your tight end
Give me some pigskin
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
By the seat of one’s punt
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Football is one habit I will never kick
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
The goal nine yards
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
Case in punt
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
All punts are highly intended
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