What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
Australia announced that they have begun dumping sewage into the ocean
It’s now classified as an in-continent.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Bob.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
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