A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Q: Why is there so much wind inside a sports arena?
A: Because of all the fans.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Love the beach. Can I be any more Pacific?
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
It was a great fire. It was a bon-fire.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
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