How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
A butt lit a house on fire.
So I guess he committed Arse-on
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.
My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
I can't believe I can't see the bottom of the ocean.
It's unfathomable.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost bite.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
Pennies and quarters rain from the sky
"Wow!" I say. "It's climate change!"
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Why is it impossible to have a balanced conversation with a female mushroom? - Because shiitake too much!
What is the ocean’s favorite lullaby?
Roe, Roe, Roe Your Boat.
Did you hear about the flower who never bloomed?
It was a bud omen.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What do you call it when a panda eats all of your tall grass?
Bamboozled!
The ocean made me salty.
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