I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
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