If you want to impress the crowd, hit overheads. Every point will be a smash hit.
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
The last thing I can remember was the yellow ball speeding toward me. I swung the racquet, and then things got fuzzy.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
I really hate these strings. I can feel it in my gut.
I am disappointed that you are taking such a closed-stance on my footwork advice.
You can never get short balls over the net! Solution: Drop shot from arsenal.
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Most of your players never make it out of the lower-level tournaments. I highly doubt their Futures as a professional.
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
Oh, I thought I was playing the first round, but I guess I got a free pass. Bye.
The guy missed both his serves on match point. I won by de-fault.
An orange and an apple signed up for a tournament. No one was surprised to find out they were both seeded.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
I wish they’d change the scoring system, but tennis is set in its ways and doesn’t see the point.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
I want to practice my forehand outside, but it will be wet in the morning and nice later on. So here’s the plan for today: inside-out.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
Pick-up line: You might as well play be a tennis player, because I’m about to court you girl.
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
Fred is so condescending about my tennis strokes. I can’t take any more of his backhanded compliments.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
Native Americans used to have their own professional tennis tournaments, and provided free housing to players from other tribes. They called it the A Tee Pee Tour. (No disrespect to Native Americans!)
They call me Ace, because you just got served.
A hippie when his opponent disputes his calls: That’s pretty far-out, man!
I prefer the new system to reviewing line calls. When Hawk-eye came around, I breathed a big Cy-clops of relief.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
The classiest indoor tennis facilities serve bubble tea.
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
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