Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
All punts are highly intended
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
During holidays, soccer referees send their families yellow cards.
What do volleyball players watch during their free time? They watch Spike TV.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
Why did the other volleyball team bow? Because they heard that the queens of the court were there.
What did the fishermen say to the fish that swam away? "You bass-tard!"
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
Why should you you stand on the service line? So that you can order ice cream.
Where do football players go shopping in the offseason? The tackle shop.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
Why was the basketball court so slippery?
Because all the players were dribbling on it.
What do you call the basketball move where you drink too much alcohol and score?
SlamDrunk!
What time should I book the court? Let’s shoot for around tennish.
How did the octopuses win the football match?
Ten tackles
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
Why are nuns such great sprint runners?
'Cause they're used to being chaste.
I like big punts and I cannot lie
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
What do you call it when you've choked on water while jogging every morning this week?
The worst running gag ever.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Which front-office type is the most promiscuous? The general ménageur.
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
We’re calling your number.
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