The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Which is the bar downtown that soccer players hate striking on? Crossbar.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
How many volleyball referees do you need to screw in a light bulb? None because they are always in the dark.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
You should call us butter because we are on a roll. This would be one of the best volleyball puns to put on a T-shirt.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
What it is it called if you refuse to go running today?
Resistance Training!
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
What do you call a very slow skier?
A slope-poke.
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Adam. He was the first in the human race.
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Which legend lived in a shack? Was it Eddy? No, Ma-hovel-ich!
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
Jack has a large neck so he decided to wear a bowtie to his wedding. Otherwise, he’d end up with a tiebreak.
In Quebec they used to practise throwing the puck in the zone, and then
sitting back to wait for a turnover. But eventually the players were
criticized for this dump-and-chaise tactic.
But would they be stoned by the goalie?
No, they'd smoke it right between the pipes!
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Where do fish sleep? In a river bed
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Went on a diving trip with strangers and found a sunken vessel. We're all pitching in to salvage and rebuild it.
I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friend-ship.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
Did you see the guy with quad-arms play tennis? He has a great four-hand.
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