Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Long time no sea.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I'm investigating the tooth fairy, and it's going well...
I've managed to get a molar into her operation. I'm going to find out the tooth at the root of all this.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
You really mermaid my day.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
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